Shadows

Sometimes I just need to review my attitude. Because the daily interruptions can drive me nuts! And my emotions can keep pressing the pedal. I am tired as well. I want to hide in the

shadows of selfishness and discontent.  

It’s Monday morning, 9:50 AM. I am already tired. Sleep was interrupted last night so I ended up watching TV waking up with a stiff neck in the wee morning hours. I snoozed away as Jim read out loud in hope of stirring me the morning reading and from Divine Hours  in hope of stirring me. I did not hear even a whisper.  He continued to move about. I reached for my now cool coffee. Part of our morning ritual.  Setting our day.  I slept through it! Despite the brightness of the sun shining in, I could feel a faint promise of the

shadows creeping closer.

Tired does that to me. I resolved to not give in to the tired.

I did make down for breakfast with Love Princess.  She said with a perky voice she was ready to leave…that meant me driving her.  No problem. Some days I think that is our only time to connect because of the dailies. I like doing this for her. Her dad told her in that teachable moment it was a good life skill to be on time for things so she should…interupt here.  “I know Dad. I am  on time when Mom takes me. I do plan to be on time. I agree with you. Let’s go Mom. ”  No problem.  She got him there. She is actually never late to school.

Then it was time to review the monthly bills and finances. Never a fun time for me.  Amazing how differing perspectives become apparent in discussions. It is so easy to go to the emotions instead of being business like and coming to a meeting of the minds. The layers just keep getting peeled back. Peeling can hurt and sting.  The layers often get peeled again and again and that really hurts; never allowing for full healing. That can happen in any kind of conversation or discussion with couples. Tired of the repeated emotional discussions. I have not quite broken old habits of thinking and emotional responses yet.

Tiredness

is not only a physical state; it affects my mental and spiritual state as well.

Robert was home this weekend. It was a fun weekend of family love and friends for fellowship.

I often feel like the mom in “Blast From the Past” when he comes home.  Do you remember? The parents made appointments with their son for equal time to teach him a variety of skills and knowledge. Between the rest of the family, golf and baseball games, I can feel a bit squeezed out.

I throughly enjoyed the public policy and political discussion though fairly brief with him and his more liberal-minded girlfriend. Both are grad students in the public policy administration program at Carnegie-Mellon. Both have previous significant work experience.  I like those kinds of conversations.  Hearing the gen y centrist and liberal positions from 2 sharp cookies expands my own thinking with the challenging and processing.

Rob later told me she was a bit upset he had outed her.  Nope, I told her, I already knew.  Actually, I am a centrist with varying views depending on the topic.  I  do not take a pure rightist stance  on some issues and am not as conservative as either son thinks I am. She is more to the left.

Remember this…”Lean to the left, lean to the right, stand up sit down. Fight , fight, fight!”   Not interested in the fight fight fight part! How could she know it was okay to be left in our mix bagged home?  One more stress of meeting his family I think.

I’ll brag on her. She was accepted for an internship this summer to shadow the prime minister of a small nation who is a woman. I don’t recall the program’s name, Global Women in Leadership something… but I do know this selection is a very big deal! Congratulations to her!

We played games with family and friends after the yummy birthday dinner Nancy made for her dad.

Poor Love Bug was wiped out though by allergies and missed church.  A quick response from the doctor on call was helpful. I added Sudafed to her over the counter meds and she was able to go to school this morning. We were all lazy yesterday despite the different meetings 3 of us had. Conversations were had about missions and new trends.  More policy discussion specifically regarding public education.

Starting a new non-fiction book in the quiet late afternoon.

How I Changed My Mind about Women in Leadership: Compelling Stories from Prominent Evangelicals

All in all, typical life.  The dailies. Connecting with family near and far.  Enjoying the emotional sounds made while playing games.  The satisfying moans over a good meal with easy company.

Attitude checks on my part to not feel squeezed out.  Maybe a good plan would be to emulate Sweet Pea.  Go up and hug, basically demand softly inclusion.  Hugs go along way, don’t they?

Feeling this way is often a struggle for me. My husband sometimes calls my attitude, pouting! Pouting?! Ouch.  When I feel it creeping into my family relations I really need to be on guard.  These are the people who love me most, who help me see myself more clearly.  Living in the

shadows of self-doubt

is a great place if you are looking to be friendly with Satan which I am NOT!

Today I am staying in the light. It is spiritually mental choice.  Today I chose light. And a post lunch nap!

But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.    John 3:21

Thankful

for caring husband

thought provoking conversations

sunshine

hand delivered coffee in the morning

Sudefed

brillantly red tulips

vists from Rob

flat zigzag candles in neon colors

sprinkles that fly when the candles are blown out

bubbles

cultural diversity  in our traditional minded community

perky 13 year olds

Blessings,

Linda

Linking with Multitudes on Mondays here  A Holy Experience

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About chinamom3078

I am a woman who loves Jesus who loved me first. Prone to wander and distraction is common for me as I seek to reflect Him in my daily life. I am wife, mom, and grandma who has lived on 3 continents in 26+ apartments, townhouses, military housing, suburbs and now a 200 plus year old farm house. Preparing and hosting meals for the hundreds who have passsed through our home has been a joy and blessing to our family as we listened and shared over meals, coffee, light nights and Bible studies. A rich life! I have reached the age to feel qualifies to be an ”older woman” (as in Titus) even though I feel far from old and have plenty of room to grow each and everyday. And my joy is to teach Bible studies and help train other women to lead well.
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One Response to Shadows

  1. sted41 says:

    I love this connection with you.

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